"Work as if everything depends of God, and pray as if everything depends on you."

I remember when I was growing up my Dad would ask me, “Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” Most of the time he was referring to either my objecting and fretting over something in which I had little control of versus simply accepting the situation or chore and not letting it affect my daily life. Although it shows great wisdom and maturity to follow the former (Yes it is much easier to shovel the snow off the sidewalk and car than to begin to comprehend why in the world there is three feet of snow and it is 24 degrees in the middle of March or sometimes even early April!), I truly enjoy a good challenge. When discerning my post-college plans, I found the challenge to live and work as a JV very intriguing and along with many other things, it helped fuel my excitement. It was something new, out of my comfort zone that would present many personal and communal struggles, all of which would challenge me to be the best person that I can be – not the best in the world, but the best I can be for the world.

Boy did this ever come true.

For the overwhelming majority of my life, when presented with an obstacle, I thought it best to not acknowledge the difficulty of the challenge and to simply take care of business - a "git 'er done!" type of an approach. I would not think twice and chose to run through these proverbial walls without hesitation (and with a smile), thinking that they were simply hinderances in the way of my goals. Although, this had served me greatly through college, I realized that I would need to take a much different approach in my current state of affairs. I was afraid that if I simple rail through the barriers, I would impede myself from experiencing the true reality. Also, that if I blindly hurdle the stumbling blocks, I would fail to see a better way through the complexities. Hence, this has led me to my current perspective of truely trying to acknowledge my feelings and the situations here for what they inherently are - the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult.

First of all, teaching is definitely not easy. I wasn't in any way expecting it to be a walk in a park filled with hummingbirds and daisies, nor did it trigger images of searching for the lost city of Atlantis in the deep dark ocean depths, however, I have had flashes of both at times. There is undoubtedly a steep learning curve that I am scaling just a bit each day (with little slips each day along the way up) and the miniscule experience that I have acquired thus far has been extremely valuable, but that has only made the tasks modestly easier. Nonetheless, lesson planning has come with more fluidity even though I am consistently baffled by the many odd rules of the English language. Preparation and lecturing for my exceptionally advanced classes as well as the particularly basic classes each present me with mazes of grammatical flurry. For instance, as I was brainstorming examples for the Third Conditional Tense (imaginary situations in the past or future using “if causes”) I couldn´t help but think I was walking around in circles with two left feet. Consistently these moments allow me to give thanks for the luck of being blessed as a native English speaker with the fluency of this tricky language. However, sooner than I would like, I am snapped back into the classroom realities of students dancing, daydreaming, wrestling or throwing wads of paper in class. Still teaching has been rewarding thus far, because not only do I have the opportunity to teach English, but more so, my placement allows me to have a large role in the formation experience of the students. Although it is challenging, I look forward to presenting new ways of thinking and helping my students see outside the box, whether directly in a retreat format or one of the weekly hour-long blocks we have specifically geared towards their development or through more indirect ways such as grammar tenses or dialogs.

Finding a way to relate to the youth group, C.R.A.V.E. (Cristo Rey Ayudando con Voluntad y Experiencia – translates as Cristo Rey [students] helping with will and experience), that I work very closely with, is an essential element of my preparation and interaction with them so I can better get across abstract ideas and concepts across in a way that it would make sense and be meaningful to them. There are moments when I have had a hard enough time relating to my own teenage brother, yet alone Peruvian adolescents (However, strangely enough these kids, although they are hemispheres apart from each other, at times they are freakishly similar in their mannerisms, ways of interacting, and hobbies/past-times.) Slowly but surely the relationships are growing deeper and I am communicating the ideas I am trying to express more tactfully since the few weeks after having learned to better relate to the students – but it is still not like cutting butter with a warm knife.

When deciding to commit myself to a few years in a foreign land, I realized that community would be one of the aspects that would make my experience most fruitful and challenging. Hence, community was a determining factor in my participation with JVI. Prior to coming here, my expectation of community was simply the other American JVs who I would call my community-mates. Little did I know how many communities I would be welcomed into with open minds, hearts, and arms. These communities include my site placement at Colegio Cristo Rey, my Peruvian host-family, the greater Habitat/Ciudad de Dios neighborhood community, along with each of the sub-communities and friendships that I have formed within each one of these larger groups. Although each of these communities (in no small part) help me fuller encounter and live out this experience which I have embarked on about six months ago, they each require much time energy to nurture and develop to their fullest potential. I feel as though I am torn between my various responsibilities and communities that overlap to a degree as part of the overall commitment, but each require a different part of myself – scratch that – not just a part of myself, but my whole self. Especially in regards to our intentional JV community, where as special and beautiful as it is, it is nonetheless draining at times. Yet the tank of energy begins to run low at the end of a long school day, and sometimes I found myself simply running on fumes as I began my commute from one community to the next.

Inspirational quotes regarding overcoming challenges and “fighting the good fight” by the likes of Vince Lombardi and even Obi-Won Kenobi (“Never give up, trusts your instincts!”) are frequently a dime a dozen. They are used so frequently and tactlessly at times that their luster is as dull as my razor has become since November, leaving them as nothing more than corny aprophetic clichés. However, I discovered a curiously thought-provoking adaption to such a previously mentioned aphorism.

In the fifth century St. Augustine wrote the following, “Work as if everything depends on you and pray as if everything depends on God.” Sounds like a typical message from the saints: direct, clear, yet all too conspicuously religious. However, St. Ignatius throws a monkey wrench into St. Augustine’s well calibrated machine when he switches it around, saying, “Work as if everything depends on God, and pray as if everything depends on you.”

This really struck a cord in me. Up to that point I was probably following the Augustinian perspective and never in my wildest dreams would St. Ignatius’ angle on this concept have crossed my mind, but the radicalism of this proposition has really drawn me to it. As radical as it may sound, (how can one really pray as if EVERYTHING depends on him or her?) I believe it shines great light on my understanding of what I am really going through here at this juncture of my life. And although this is not the easiest thing to do (Yes, another challenge!) it has helped me greatly and given me much peace and tranquility.